Coercive Control Pattern Tracker
A private record of what is happening, kept in one place, in your own words.
Before you write anything down, think about where this file lives. 1. Keep it on a device the other person cannot open. If your phone or laptop is shared, monitored, or on a family plan, use a library computer, a work computer, or a device belonging to someone you trust. 2. Use an email address the other person does not know about, with a new password and two step verification turned on. 3. If you think your phone or accounts are being monitored, do not log anything on that device. Use paper, or ask your case manager or a certified advocate to hold the record for you. 4. Know how to close this file fast — the Quick Exit button, top right, works from any tab. Practice it once. 5. Save a copy somewhere off your device: an advocate, an attorney, a trusted person, or a private cloud account only you can open. Safety comes before documentation, every time. If writing something down would put you at risk today, do not write it down today. The record is a tool, not an obligation.
Coercive control works by making each single event look small and easy to explain away. Written down one time, an incident looks minor. Written down twenty times, the pattern becomes visible: to you, to a judge, to DCF, to an advocate, to a provider. You are not building a case against yourself. You are building an accurate record of a pattern that is hard to hold in your head, especially while you are living inside it. Memory under stress is not a personal failing. This tracker does the remembering so you do not have to.
GOOD DAY VERSION: use the Incident Log. Fill in as many fields as you can. The more detail, the more useful it is later. HARD DAY VERSION: use the Quick Log. Four boxes only: date, what kind of thing it was, one sentence, and how scared you felt. That is enough. A hard day entry counts exactly the same in the pattern totals as a full entry. If you cannot do either today, send yourself a text with one line and the date, and copy it in later. Anything beats nothing. Nothing beats not being safe.
Facts carry more weight than conclusions, in court and in your own head on a day you doubt yourself.
Instead of: he was controlling about money again.
Write: 8/3, 6pm, kitchen. He took my debit card and said I would get it back when I could prove where the $40 went. I could not buy groceries until 8/6.
Date, time, place, what was said or done, who saw it, what it stopped you from doing. Quote exact words when you remember them, in quotation marks. If you are not sure of a detail, write not sure — guessing weakens a record, saying not sure does not.
This is your personal record, not a legal filing. If it is later used in a court case, the other side may be able to see it. Write things you would be willing to stand behind.
This is not legal advice. Before you rely on this record in court, talk to a domestic violence advocate or an attorney about how to use it. Both are free through the numbers below.
National Domestic Violence Hotline: 800 799 7233, 24/7, free and confidential. Or text START to 88788. Live chat is also available at thehotline.org.
Crisis Text Line: Text HOME to 741741, 24/7.
211: Call or text 211 (or visit 211.org) to find shelters, advocates, and legal help near you, anywhere in the country.
National Sexual Assault Hotline: 800 656 4673, RAINN, 24/7.
If you are in immediate danger, call 911.
Starseed Development LLC
Quick log — hard day version
Four boxes. That is the whole job. An entry here counts the same as a full entry on the Incident Log. Pick the category closest to what happened; say more in the sentence.
No entries yet. Your first one can be here, or a full entry on the Incident Log.
Incident log — full version
Fill in what you can. Blank fields are fine. Only date and category are needed for an entry to count in the Pattern Summary. Write facts, not conclusions; put exact words in quotation marks; write "not sure" rather than guessing.
Nothing logged in this category yet.
Tactic guide
Plain language descriptions of each category. Read down the list and pick the closest fit — these are the categories used in the logs.
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If more than one category fits a single incident, that is normal and worth noting. Pick the one that felt like the point of it, and mention the others in the description. Overlapping tactics are a feature of coercive control, not a filing error.
Pattern summary
Fills in by itself from the Quick Log and the Incident Log. A category with a high count and a recent date is an active pattern, not history. A month column that is climbing is escalation.
Nothing logged yet. Add a Quick Log or Incident Log entry and this tab fills itself in.
Evidence tracker
Where each piece of proof lives. Fill this in only when you already have something saved. Never put yourself at risk to collect proof — a missing screenshot is recoverable, you are not.
No evidence items saved yet.